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i think - i want to be myself. and that myself is - well, let's just say i am shopping for it. have been shopping would be more appropriate. my life is not perfect. my reality isn't either. i would like problems to vanish with the snap of a finger and a wiggle of a pointy nose but they aren't. irritations define me. my defense mechanism is the most active part of me. i feel the need to continually defend myself or accept it all. anyway, exclusive of those, if i define myself, i'll say, i am in the shopping stage. and i don't want to get out of it. naturally, if i attempt everything, i need everything to be perfect - time, place, supplies, causes and effects. the right time. the right place. right everything. nothing's been that way so far but i am still shopping around for them. but then i think
i don't want to be like anyone else.
another person's quotes about their achievement is - their achievement and their experience and their words. they aren't mine. they may resonate within me but that's it - a mere vibration. it's not me.
i am trying hard not to be like anyone else, but i want to be the best there is so i shop. i look around. i collect traits and quotes but nothing satisfies me. if i built the lj layout from scratch, yes, that'll be the one i might love. or build a new one. but that's my baby. that's me.
when i write, i ask for plots and what i do like, are derived from characters who are real people anyway so that's not me all over again. i need to define life myself or i won't be happy. there are somethings i can't rediscover from scratch, things like equations and then photoshop so they dissatisfy me.
i think. do i make sense ?
i keep thinking, if for awhile, i could forget dongbangshinki and people leading better lives, i might reconnect with who i was. or who i want to be. if i could ditch dongbang my greatest drug and also my worst enemy, maybe, maybe i could remember the ever practical soul within me who had no ambition but nonetheless, had a career plan as a working woman. i used to be sensible damn it all.
btw, it was pink and i had it and no effects yet. i am not drunkenly tottering off to bed. ma says i must lie down or my cns won't be calm. i go away to do that.
good night.
i don't want to be like anyone else.
another person's quotes about their achievement is - their achievement and their experience and their words. they aren't mine. they may resonate within me but that's it - a mere vibration. it's not me.
i am trying hard not to be like anyone else, but i want to be the best there is so i shop. i look around. i collect traits and quotes but nothing satisfies me. if i built the lj layout from scratch, yes, that'll be the one i might love. or build a new one. but that's my baby. that's me.
when i write, i ask for plots and what i do like, are derived from characters who are real people anyway so that's not me all over again. i need to define life myself or i won't be happy. there are somethings i can't rediscover from scratch, things like equations and then photoshop so they dissatisfy me.
i think. do i make sense ?
i keep thinking, if for awhile, i could forget dongbangshinki and people leading better lives, i might reconnect with who i was. or who i want to be. if i could ditch dongbang my greatest drug and also my worst enemy, maybe, maybe i could remember the ever practical soul within me who had no ambition but nonetheless, had a career plan as a working woman. i used to be sensible damn it all.
btw, it was pink and i had it and no effects yet. i am not drunkenly tottering off to bed. ma says i must lie down or my cns won't be calm. i go away to do that.
good night.
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